Emotional Dysregulation in ADHD

“Is emotional dysregulation really a thing?” I asked my friend rhetorically. “It just sounds like a fancy term for: I be crazy sometimes. 🤷🏽‍♀️” 

Emotional Dysregulation: The inability to manage intense emotions, allowing them to dictate your behaviour and state of being.

What It Feels Like

Emotional dysregulation has many faces. 

Sometimes it feels like swimming in an ocean of emotions. 

Sometimes it’s drowning in a whirlpool of them. 

Sometimes it’s joy as big as the sun: like meeting a friend at the airport. 

Sometimes it’s metal-dense pain: like hearing your spouse say he’s in love with someone else. 

The dread of an abandoned child. The fear of a mother who has lost hers.

When you Might Feel It

• Good news

• Bad news

• Uncertainty

• Witnessing a touching piece of art

This can be good: A text from your crush could brighten your entire day. 

This can be bad: A criticism from your boss could linger on into the night. 

This can be overwhelming: Panic from receiving a better job offer after you’ve accepted a mediocre one. 

This can be sentimental: Seeing a bird that reminds you of your long-lost Aunt.

This is why my ADHD hangovers are usually emotional (hangxiety, shame, longing, irritation) whereas my non-ADHD friends’ are physical (headache, nausea, fatigue).

Honouring Our Emotions

I was newly in love and trying to rein it in. Almost embarrassed of crushing like a teenager. “Why are you holding back?” my friend asked, “People take drugs to feel what you feel.” 

Individuals with ADHD live in a richer emotional world. That’s partly because of how our brains process dopamine, handle executive function, and experience rejection sensitivity — all of which intensify emotional highs and lows.

The trick is to stop emotional dysregulation from interfering with our general wellbeing. The flood of hormones (particularly cortisol) can rearrange our entire mood.

Emotional dysregulation is consuming. When negative, it can:

• Ruin relationships

• Cost us our livelihood

• Age us with sleepless nights. 

It can act as a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

The good news is, there are ways to gain control over the unwelcome emotions. 

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): A type of talk therapy that helps you manage your mental health by identifying and redirecting negative patterns. 

CBT is an objective friend and your self-esteem’s biggest cheerleader. 

Our thoughts sometimes get in the way of the truth. For folks with ADHD, it’s easy to imagine worst-case scenarios. Anxiety is sometimes a lie dressed up as humility. CBT breaks down your thinking process, helping you re-align with reality and embracing your most powerful self. 

Here’s how CBT can help you:

CBT Methods

Craft an Inventory

Therapy helps you get to know yourself and figure out your triggers before they arise. Your therapist can help you recognize flare-ups before they feel out of control. 

Examples: 

1. Every time my sister is passive-aggressive, it makes me want to jump up and defend myself. 

2. Whenever my boyfriend cancels on a date, I get scared. Is he having second thoughts about me? 

3. My mother doesn’t like it when I “talk back.” That frustration makes me erupt in other ways. 

4. My supervisor’s always picking at my work. I can do nothing right. Am I eternally incompetent?

While we cannot speak for other people, we can polish our self-awareness. Forewarned is forearmed.

Meditation for Presence

Once you catch yourself and name your emotions, you can now:

• Pause

• Breathe

• Return to a mentally stable and quiet place.

Find out with your therapist which type of meditation is best suited to you. 

Change the way you talk to yourself

The language we use is important. Whether our emotions are directed towards others or ourselves, our attitude is reflected back at us. 

If you’re a teacher, you might notice that:

When you are calm, the kids are calm. 

When you are agitated, the kids are agitated. 

When you speak to them with kindness, they speak to each other with kindness. 

Patience and kindness towards ourselves is essential for confidence. 

When we speak to ourselves with respect, we also learn that our worth is not contingent upon our achievements, looks, material wealth or social status.

In moments of distress, CBT helps us reframe negative situations: 

1. We take rejections less personally. 

2. We move past disappointments faster. 

3. We face losses with acceptance. 

This sense of calm is magnetic. 

You Got This

Emotions are good. Everyone has them. They teach us a lot. With the right therapist and practices, you can learn to embrace the beautiful ones, and master the painful ones.